Guidelines for Enlightenment
1. Be a fundamentalist, make sure "fun" always comes
before da "mental". Realize that life is a situation
comedy that will never be cancelled. A laugh track has
been provided and the reason why we are put in the
material world is to get more material. Have a good
laughsitive twice a day and that will ensure
'regularhilarity' and prevent grimdamentalism.
2. Remember that each of us has been given a special
gift - just for entering. So you are already a winner!
3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is
Tell-A-Vision. That is where I tell a vision to you
and you tell a vision to me.
4. Life is like photography. You use the negatives to
5. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts,
thought particles tend to get caught between our ears,
causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to
use truth paste and mental floss twice a day. And when
you're tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what
we teach in the Absurdiveness Training Class: "Don't
get even, get odd."
6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our
attachments and truly live like nomads. That's where I
no mad at you, you no mad at me. That way, there will
surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins
with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace
there, pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to
make one big peace everywhere.
7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for
the future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes,
my advice is simple. When you find a fault, just don't
dwell on it.
8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to
do is toilet train the world, and we'll never have to
change it again.
9. Everything I have told you is channelled. That way,
if you don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember,
enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. You don't have to
go through channels.
10. Finally, if you're looking to find the key to the
universe, I have some bad news and some good news.
The bad news is - there is no key to the Universe.
The good news is - it was never locked.
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