Remember to laugh

Mullah Nasruddin

The name that every Afghan remembers hearing about in childhood. Here is few of the thousands of humorous and thoughtful stories about Him. His identity is being claimed by three countries. Afghanistan, Iran and Turkey.

Nasruddin opened a booth with a sign above it:

Two Questions On Any Subject Answered For Only 100 Silver Coins

A man who had two very urgent questions handed over his money, saying:

- A hundred silver coins is rather expensive for two questions, isn't it?

- Yes, said Nasruddin, and the next question

At a gathering where Mullah Nasruddin was present, people were discussing the merits of youth and old age. They had all agreed that, a man's strength decreases as years go by. Mullah Nasruddin dissented.

- I don't agree with you gentlemen, he said. In my old age I have the same strength as I had in the prime of my youth.

- How do you mean, Mullah Nasruddin? asked somebody. Explain yourself.

- In my courtyard, explained Mullah Nasruddin, there is a massive stone. In my youth I used to try and lift it. I never succeeded. Neither can I lift it now.

One day Mullah Nasruddin went to market to buy new clothes. First he tested a pair of trousers. He didn't like the trousers and he gave back them to the shopkeeper. Then he tried a robe which had same price as the trousers. Mullah Nasruddin was pleased with the robe and he left the shop. Before he climbed on the donkey to ride home he stopped by the shopkeeper and the shop-assistant.

- You didn't pay for the robe, said the shopkeeper.

- But I gave you the trousers instead of the robe, isn't it? replied Mullah Nasruddin .

- Yes, but you didn't pay for the trousers, either! said the shopkeeper.

- But I didn't buy the trousers, replied Mullah Nasruddin. I am not so stupid to pay for something which I never bought.

Once a renowned philosopher and moralist was traveling through Nasruddin's village when he asked him where there was a good place to eat. He suggested a place and the scholar, hungry for conversation, invited Mullah Nasruddin to join him. Much obliged, Mullah Nasruddin accompanied the scholar to a nearby restaurant, where they asked the waiter about the special of the day.

- Fish! Fresh Fish! replied the waiter.

- Bring us two, they answered.

A few minutes later, the waiter brought out a large platter with two cooked fish on it, one of which was quite a bit smaller than the other. Without hesitating, Mullah Nasruddin cooked the larger of the fish and put in on his plate. The scholar, giving Mullah Nasruddin a look of intense disbelief, proceed to tell him that what he did was not only blatantly selfish, but that it violated the principles of almost every known moral, religious, and ethical system. Mullah Nasruddin calmly listened to the philosopher's extempore lecture patiently, and when he had finally exhausted his resources, Mullah Nasruddin said,

- Well, Sir, what would you have done?

- I, being a conscientious human, would have taken the smaller fish for myself.

- And here you are, Mullah Nasruddin said, and placed the smaller fish on the gentleman's plate.

- Mullah Nasruddin, which side must I walk when carrying a coffin, at the front, back, left or right?

- Take which you like best, so long as you are not inside!

One day Mullah Nasruddin was asked

- Could you tell us the exact location of the center of the world?

- Yes, I can, replied Mullah Nasruddin . It is just under the left hind of my donkey.

- Well, maybe! But do you have any proof?

- If you doubt my word, just measure and see.

One day Nasruddin repaired tiles on the roof of his house. While Nasruddin was working on the roof, a stranger knocked the door.

- What do you want? Nasruddin shouted out.

- Come down, replied stranger So I can tell it.

Nasruddin unwilling and slowly climbed down the ladder.

- Well! replied Nasruddin, what was the important thing?

- Could you give little money to this poor old man? begged stranger.

Tired Nasruddin started to climb up the ladder and said,

- Follow me up to the roof.

When both Nasruddin and beggar were upside, on the roof, Nasruddin said,

- The answer is no!

A woman went to the beach with her children. Her 4-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand.

"Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to heaven," she replied.

The child thought for a moment and said, "And God threw him back down?"

One day God was walking through the garden of Eden. After a
short while, he came across Adam. Adam was in low spirits
this particular day, and God asked him what was wrong. Adam
told the Lord that he was lonely.

God responded that He would create Adam a companion. She
would walk by his side for all eternity. She would listen to
his problems. She would wash his clothes. She would keep his
house clean. She would cook his meals. She would do anything
to keep him happy. Most importantly, she would never
complain or nag him.

To this Adam was ecstatic. His spirits lifted immediately.
The Lord hated to tell him that this creature would come at
a price. God told Adam that the creature would cost him an
arm and a leg.

Adam responded, "What can I get for a rib?" ... And the rest
is history.

A smile is the lighting system of the face, The cooling system of the head,
And the heating system of the heart. ~A Nony Moose

Two Course in Miracles Students opened a used footwear business.
They called it: "Shoes once again"

They then decided to open a low carb Italian restaurant.
They called it: “the pasta is over, it can toucha me not"

Q. How many ACIM students does it take to change a light bulb?
A. We are not here to change our light bulb but to change our mind about it
....or else to accept as it is.

Q. How many Teachers of God does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two: One to realize he is in the dark and Another to shed Light on the whole screwing process.
(Submitted by Dina Singh)

A course student on the way home from an ACIM meeting slipped on the icy
pavement and started laughing. His friend asked him what was funny, and
he said "Nothing Icy on this street means anything" (Lesson 1)

A dyslexic atheist is one who doesn't believe in dog

A dispirited dog is one who lost his leash on life.

What does Santa use to keep his red suit so clean? Yule Tide

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.

Eve was starting to get suspicious of Adam's staying out late night
after night. One night while he was asleep she counted his ribs.

Where is baseball mentioned in the Bible? Gen 1:1 "In the 'big inning' "

How to achieve Inner Peace...

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.

Dr Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahula, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel! Please pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.

A cow, a chicken, and a pig seated in a diner look over the menu and
order breakfast. Waitress looking at notepad repeats the order: 'Ok,
so that'll be 3 ham & cheese omelets, one without cheese, one without
ham, and another without eggs...right?

A tourist was staring, appalled, at a fish market salesman skinning and dicing up all kinds of live fish, and throwing them, still wriggling, into a big display tray. Unable to restrain herself any longer, the tourist cried out: "What, in God's name, are you doing to those poor fish? That's the most cruel thing I've ever seen!"

The fisherman, who happened to be a student of A Course In Miracles, replied calmly, pointing to the tray:

"Nothing reeled can be threatened.

Nothing unpeeled exists.

Herein lies the piece of cod."

Alexandra Lalieu

The Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Pattie explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Pattie explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knickknack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

A 13 year old kid is sending this joke that she made up:

Adam and Eve getting dressed for an important event in paradise.

Eve in front of the mirror:
-- tries on a small tiny orange tree leaf applying it to her
mid-section and asks Adam: Are mini's still IN?

-- tries on a long plantain leaf and asks Adam: I bet a long length
makes me look short...

-- tries on a grape-vine branch around the waste and nothing else and
asks Adam: Does this make me look fat?

-- tries on a flower and asks Adam: Is this too provocative?

Adam just throws his arms up and asks: Woman... if a leaf falls off
from your midriff... is anyone there to see it? He yanks off the flower
and says: That's it... we're going naked! :-)

A guy tells his psychiatrist: 'It was terrible. I was away on
business, and I wired my wife that I'd be back a day early. I
rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best
friend. I don't get it. How could she do this to me?"
"Well," says the psychiatrist, "maybe she didn't get your telegram."

A friend of mine was helping an elderly but very sharp lady with a
sponge bath. The lady instructed, "You wash my back and then I'll wash
my Possibility." "What do you mean your possibility?" asked my friend.
"Oh, you know," the patient replied indicating the general region of her
lap, "I don't think I'll ever use it again, but it's always a POSSIBILITY!"